How I wish......

It's been a while since I've last blog. I'm suppose to be writting THE essay now, but instead.. I'm blogging.....There's so much emotion in me now that I feel that I might burst any time soon. Many people thinks that I am happy, that I am strong, that I am contended... but the truth is... I am not.... at least it's been a while since I really felt so..... I've never felt more lost than I've been recently.... Thinking back of those days, I wish I could change some things that I have done or not done... How I wish that there were things and the damage that I could undo.. How I wish I was a better person then....sighs..... I've never ever felt so alone before worrying what my future path would be..... What kind of a life will I live in 10, 20 years time? I certainly do not want to be poor... I wanna live a comfortable life and be able to provide my mom with all the luxuries in the world..call me materialistic... but who is not?!Money is the solution to many things.... There is so much to worry nowadays and it is all money related.... haih....